Life & Me

Finally the first phase of exams is over and the second is in a month. As Steph is going back for a month, we took whatever time we have to have some bonding.

For reasons unknown, we decided to walk up a mountain near my house. Since it was drizzling, we took along an umbrella.

Half way up, we started panting and catching our breath. Just about this time, a birdeye image of ourselves conjured up in my mind – we’re just like the amak and apek walking up the mountain back in Malaysia, with an umbrella and catching their breath.

Well, time flies, don’t it?

And being an apek, a handsome, young and strong one, is not necessary a bad thing.

I can almost hear my sis vomiting at this moment.

While in my previous school, exam was a pretty swift event.8 papers in 2 to 3 weeks and I am done. Now, as I’ve complained last semester, it is a marathon. It gets a little worse this time around, it is stretched throughout 3 months.

And it started last Wednesday, and I wonder how I would fare this time.

After this semester, I would have completed all the required modules, 6 months faster than planned. Perhaps I grew a little impatient after all these studying. So I would be free, as I claimed at the end of every semester.

I don’t find that sort of thinking bad. It’s called optimism. And I have much of it. It’s irrational alright, but an useful and productive one at that.

Anyway, anticipating that I will be free next semester, I managed to got myself another job, to conduct a small research at the university, a pretty good job actually.

So well, I’d be free after all, so its okay. And after that, I’ll go on to write my thesis.

I’m almost free. So call me out for coffee anytime, seriously. Optimism is good.

Just a few days ago, Steph has come from being hired by the smallest chemical company in the world, to being hired by the largest chemical company in the world! It’s amazing how God sometimes works. But maybe we don’t have to know how. It’s sufficient to know that he is in control.

You need air conditioning in airport. That much is clear and obvious. You need that everywhere in Malaysia.

But do you know, that even in cold winters, airports still need air conditioning? That’s due to the large amount of people, and everyone of them is equivalent to a 100W heater. To imagine the heat, imagine touching a 100W light bulb. You don’t burn yourself touching a human is due to the large surface area.

Alright, science and fact aside, I’m sitting in a very quiet airport now, as my flight is one of the. only 3 flights tonight.

The atmosphere is surprisingly peaceful. No busy footsteps, no baby cry, no sound is chatter. I could even hear the steady hum of the air conditioning.

And I kinda enjoy this.

Goodbye to Malaysia, see you in hopefully 6 months.

It was a rushed week. Had to go through what I usually take 4 weeks to do. But it was a good week. A good cup of coffee is still good (maybe better) even if it?s compressed into an espresso.

While I was travelling back in a train from KL to Ipoh, I saw the daily lives of different types of people. Mothers taking care of their children, students travelling back to the universities, some sleeping and snoring while the train rocks from side to side. None of these is out of the ordinary, but the combination and the familiarity of it just somehow blends together. Like a good piece of chocolate in a coffee to make it mocha. Just before I reached Ipoh, I looked out towards a newly developed housing area, and a cow was walking in the middle of the street.

I smiled.

That night, I went to a dinner with my dad, with some pretty well-off people. When they came in, I found myself wondering what I should do. Should I stand up? Should I shake their hands or just say ?Uncle?? What was once natural didn?t seem so natural anymore. Throughout the dinner, I was bombarded with questions about Germany, even though I?ve told the exact same people the same thing about 8 months ago. But as usual, I just switched to ?answering questions? mode and I did fine. Then everyone moved on to boast about the different experiences they have and so on, ??. The loudness of it, the commotion of it, the familiarity of it, it?s like the white coffee that I miss.

I smiled.

Before I had the chance to get to know Ipoh again, we rushed to Singapore. We had a nice bungalow to stay in. But even though we had lots of room, the bed of our parents remains our (me and my sis) preferred hang out place. We talked with a volume that rivals the whale-cry, the speed that rivals the Boeings and all the usual scolding and sarcasm. It?s like that bean that I return to after trying out all the different beans in the world. The first bean has a special place in my heart.

I smiled.

The next few days were a rush. We hosted the parents of my (now) sister-in-law (Side note: it?s hard to imagine that I have another sister now, considering that I?ve met her only four days ago. Sweet and nice, my brother is lucky.) I never really thought about much, didn?t have time to.

Until Saturday morning, many things happen almost simultaneously. My brother was getting married. Though never really close, I?m really happy for him. I?ll be leaving my family for another 6 months, at the least. We had a great time, like the espresso I mentioned earlier. We chatted daily till 1 to 2am, and our eyes are the testaments. I?ll be going back and have to adapt straight back into the life I left behind, it?s the middle of my semester. And finally, I?d be seeing my sweetheart again. One week is a long long time, and I have loads to tell her.

In the midst of it all, I could not identified or differentiate my feelings. It?s like if you poke two needles a few centimeters apart on your body parts. On some parts, like the tongue, you can feel both needles. In other parts, like the feet, you can?t. My emotions are like my feet, I can?t differentiate them.

So I chose to park them aside and deal with them later. You can, perhaps through the needles mark, sort them out later. In the dinner just an hour ago, I didn?t say much and did maths by calculating the bill with my head instead. As I couldn?t concentrate, I probably did not do well, and the fact that the 7% Government tax includes the 10% service charge of the total meal didn’t help. I did not say my goodbyes well, because any longer and tears would flow.

But Steph taught me (and Grey?s Anatomy as well) that you don?t have to always feel good. You can feel sad as well. It?s the whole package, like you don?t have to drink black coffee always. The varieties make it good.

And looking back in the week, I had a great great time. Lots of catching up, like asking my friends about their meaning of life (I hope they did not get irritated), lots of food, (and my sis had a great time making fun of my tummy), lots of love, lots of reflection, lots of experiences and lots of blessings. Blessings from God, who surely have a plan, and is in control. Jer 29:11 was the verse for the wedding today. I believe in that, it is my favorite verse.

So I know I?m blessed. I know He is in control.

So I smile.

It’s two weeks before I’m coming back. Slowly but surely, the excitement can’t be suppressed anymore. The food I wanna eat, the food i wanna and the food I wanna way have been lingering around my mind…

The thing is, the volcano whose name cannot be pronounced is still throwing some hot, albeit impressive tantrums around. In a few days, the airport in Germany is predicted to be closed for a day. Whether it’ll still be there in 2 weeks, only He knows.

I’ve working quite hard to male that free, jogging to eat that dim sum, pulling some work forward so that I can take leaves. So please stop throwing your ashes around?

It’s finally over. After two whole months of exams, I finally finished the last paper this morning.

I didn’t do well. And there’s probably 100 reasons for that – lack of motivation, wrong strategies, uninteresting subjects and so. But explanations, even just to myself, sounds like excuses.

Solomon was a great man. If anyone could choose only one of his character or possessions, he or she would do well.

Wise, charming, rich, mighty – take a pick.

There is one thing that I think I have in common with solomon. That something, sadly, doesn’t make me great. Solomon felt that everything is meaningless, and sometimes, I do too.

To be clear, solomon wasn’t depressed – it wasn’t a morbid or destructive thought. It didn’t affect his performance, nor did it make him  senile or suicidal.

So I wonder, what did he mean when he said everything is meaningless? I think he felt there wasn’t a purpose in the things he did. kingdom, richness, might, respect and even marriage – all things which by themselves brought about happiness, but does it have a deeper purpose?

Nihilism is the thinking that all things don’t have a purpose, from nowhere and heading nowhere. Seems to be the totally opposite to the teaching of christianity. however, solomon, even in his later days, obviously still believe in God.

I’m heading nowhere, more like just thinking out loud. It is something that has been bothering for a while. Would there be any solutions? I don’t know, there are many things that can take my mind away from it, but it won’t take it away.

Or maybe I’m simply exhausted. A tired mind can do a lot of things to your mental health.

So I just need a rest, spend a little and eat a lot. My choiced destination to do that would be Prague – 3 hours.

And maybe everything would be meaningful again.

Not everything was sad, of course. I was, after all, with Steph, who has become a huge source of happiness in my life.

Both of us were affected by the not-at-home-during-New-Year mood, and decided last minute that we need to do something about it. So we went out to splurge on some nice food, it’s New Year Eve after all.

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Being deprived of fresh fish for some time now, I couldn’t differentiate between a fresh and a not-so-fresh fish. Well, when could I ever do that =P? But we have to settle for whatever we could find. It was yummy, but reunion dinner is not about the nice food, it’s about people.

This year, the Chinese New Year fell on the same day as the Valentine’s Day. And we’ve even came up a theme for this year, it’s called Celebrating the Difference. So what’s the biggest difference between me and Steph? Cheekily I went to make us a couple T-shirt, another firsts for us.

The text reads “This is my (lots of nice adjective) girlfriend” and “This is my (lots of nice adjective) boyfriend” respectively. The nicest, or most provoking =P parts are the two arrows – celebrating our.. ahem… vertical difference.

Well, after all, if not because of the difference, I would not be able to carry her up the vineyard hill, isn’t it?

this is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill space

Happy Valentines Day and Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!

As I woke up on the eve of Chinese New Year, I settled down with a warm cup of coffee before my study table. It is minus 5Celcius outside. As the snow fell gracefully and slowly upon the ground, so did homesickness. It’s that time of the year again, when I know I’m missing out yet another gathering back home. Fortunately, I have the support of my family, who doesn’t give me the guilt nor pressure to be home.

As I tried to use the hot liquid to warm my relatively cold heart, the snow started to have a calming effect on me. It’s telling me that this is just a phase, a training, a period with a start and an end. It’s telling me that life is also about going to emotional valley, also about understanding suffering and also about feeling lonely and sad.

This year in Germany, we had one of the longest winter I remember. One thing good about snow is that it reflects very well, making the gloomy day a little brighter. I took out my camera and just made a few shots outside my window, each 30 mins apart as the day brightens.

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Happy Chinese New Year!

Do you have any tips from your (grand)parents about how and what to eat?

I remember the advices given to me:

Eat “fully” during the breakfast – 早餐要吃的好

Eat well during the lunch – 午餐要吃的饱

Eat little during the dinner – 晚餐要吃的少

Interestingly, the Germans have a similar idiom. Eat like a king for breakfast, eat like a businessman for lunch and eat like a begger for your dinner.

As I was coming to school today, holding a piece of bread and a tumbler of coffee, I reflected upon this and realize it’s very different for me nowadays.

Except during Saturdays and sometimes Sundays, where I have the time to relax and enjoy a luxurious breakfast, breakfasts are usually a brief event in other days. I try to at least eat it “well”.  So no oily stuff or that sort, just milk, cereal or bread. Come to think about it, that’s because I can’t get it =( Who would reject Wantan mee, Wartan Hor, Nasi Lemak, Dim Sum etc. at any time of the day?

For lunch, I try to eat “little” so that I can concentrate for the rest of the day. A heavy lunch is a recipe for a good afternoon nap, or head banging on the table if you can’t afford a nap. I usually end up doing the second one. Just the other day, my scripts fell all over the floor in unison with my head. Well, embarrassing.

Dinner is usually the best meal of the day. A time where I can finally relax, sometimes with Steph, sometime alone, but always with a good and “full” meal. Somehow, the cooking and preparing process helps me to relax after a whole day of brain work. I can imagine myself doing the cooking in my family in the future. I just hope that my kids (if any) won’t dread the days I’m cooking (Dad’s cooking today!!?? Darn….)

Well, what about you then? How do you eat?