Life & Me

I’m a liar who thirst for the truth….

I use one hand to pull you closer, the other to push you away….

Lyrics from Two Hands by Jars of Clay

… for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate…… I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway…

Excerpt by Paul in Romans 7:15 – 20

Just two quotes I come across recently. Reminds me what I appreciate about the bible, and why I like songs that sounds so sad, contrasting with my (normally) optimistic view.

Because they are true and real.

Compared it with the events that has happened in the past week and months:

1. Oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. In the end, the CEO of BP stepped down.

2. The tragedy at Love Parade in Dortmund last month, where about 20 people were killed when a panic was triggered. In the end, the mayor of the city stepped down.

3. A woman was caught on video where she threw a cat into a dustbin. The mass reaction in the internet seems to want her death. Her life is probably ruined or at least vastly affected.

Events which in first sight seems to have no relevance to my first thought, but actually it does. Hopefully only in the western world, we seem to live a world where people are no longer allowed to be real.

Real – with defect. Real – imperfect. Real – sin and faults.

When something happens, we want to someone’s head chopped, preferably the top leader. He must be responsible, and we feel better and vindicated after that. Not looking at the fact that the CEO of BP was well compensated, how could he be responsible for it?

While, all the time, we remain the normal person we are, with all the imperfections.

Perhaps that’s the reason why sometimes I’m really reluctant to be a leader, even of just a small group. The pressure to be good, and be perfect is simply there. And soon, it turns into a pressure and urge to be a hypocrite, to show only the polished sides.

And that’s why I’m not surprised at all the hypocrisy uncovered in politics, sports, and almost any public industry.

Hmm..before this turns into a rant, I guess I just want to say that I appreciate real things, real people and real feelings.

But perhaps the cynical side of wisdom is to know when not to be real.

The Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget (1896 – 1980) argued that babies build up an understanding of numbers slowly, through experience, so there was no point in teaching arithmetic to children younger than six or seven. This influenced generations of educators, who often preferred to let primary-age pupils play around with blocks in lessons rather than introduce them to formal mathematics. Now Piaget’s view are considered outdated. Pupils come face to face with Arabic numerals and sums as soon as they get to school.

Alex’s Adventures in Numberland

I for one am glad that my parents didn’t believe that for a second. Somehow, my parents managed to make math fun for me from a young age. Two pretty vivid memories from my childhood:

1. Walking together with my mom to the market while singing the multiplication table. (About 3,4 or 5 years old)

2. Sitting in the car and instead of asking “Are we there yet?” was “fooled” into calculating the sum of the carplate on the opposite lane.

One thing I wasn’t taught very well was being discreet. During my primary 1, math was obviously not very interesting. During one of the exams, I was so bored that I started signalling another (equally bored) friend so that we can talk.

One topic led to another and because I was (and probably am) proud and bragful, I started writing math questions on a paper, and passed to him as a challenge. That we were separated by a row only meant that we need a (confused) fellow friend to pass it.

Someone was caught cheating after the exam. He was asked to slap his cheek repeatedly in front of the whole class. While sniggering, both me and my friend were called out too. Apparently the act of throwing and passing papers during exam did not escape the teacher’s eyes.

I don’t have to tell you what happened next. All I can say is, my friend could not answer all the questions I threw at him. So with a swollened cheek and pride, I continued on the math journey.

Lesson: Teach math to your children as early as possible, but also teach him manners and ways of life.

Idea in brief: Breaking traditions have a lot to do with individualism instead of just social progress.

Growing up in Malaysia has a lot to do with learning how to behave according to expectation. We do what everyone else has been doing. Trying to be a charmer outside, I was always commended as being polite by all my parents’ friends, something that made my parents happy. But that was just my disguise, I’m a true rebel as heart. I always question the meaning of it all, except pleasing others.

My standard response when I encounter stuffs I know are social belief without any concrete reasoning would be – “It’s all man-made”.

Being in Germany, of course I have less of it. Recently though, I heard one very familiar sentiments – “What would others think?”. In Chinese, “人家会怎样讲?”. Now it’s very important to distinguish this from being empathetic about the feelings of others. This is not about calling the person fat and ugly, but rather behaving in a socially unconventional way.

Take one very common social belief – you should buy a house when you get married. Many explain that action as being financially wise and offers security, but deep down, it really boils down to being seen at a good light by others. “人家会怎样讲?”

Just a few days ago, CNN has a report about a couple in China refusing to follow this tradition and chose to marry without a house. They were hailed as being socially progressive in breaking the tradition. But is that it?

I think it’s more because we are all being more individualistic. We are more willing to ask ourselves “What do I have to gain/lose in doing that?” or “Why should I do that?”. Breaking with social belief can cost a lot, from isolation to lost of job and security provided by the group.

But things are changing, we are more able to take care of ourselves by ourselves now. Insurance, pension, laws and social system means that we don’t have to rely on others like we had to.

For example, I learn a funny term from a book – called the “F*** Y**” money. It’s the amount of money which can allow you to ask your boss to … you know… F*** himself.

So I guess, social progress as we know it and often hail (as in Romeo and Juliet, or Bollywood movies and so on…) might just be a sign that individualism taking root in our societies.

Is it good? Well, people say I shouldn’t judge others.

Idea in brief: Germans like their privacies. Don’t violate that.

I recently came across this article in Havard Business Review that talks about the penetration of blogs and social network in different countries. Click on the image below and zoom it, I hope it’s clear to read.

I’ll leave you to read the comments about each country. It’s quite interesting really. What I would like to point out though, is that while Japan was singled out as Asia’s outlier, Germany wasn’t. But if you look at Germany’s position on the chart, it’s quite different from the rest of the Western world.

This is basically the Germany I know. Privacy is fiercely guarded. This is partly due to the historical events in East Germany, when the Secret Police (Stasi) gathered personal information of about just everyone in Berlin.

This is also why things like Facebook, Twitter and even Google are met with much skepticism here. You might have read about recent concerns about Facebook in the American media. Here in Germany, such concern was raised in the first days of its existence. Google street view? Everyone is freaked out.

Let’s contrast it with the your own sentiments. Do you even know/care that Facebook can keep your stuff even after you delete your accounts? Some of you probably even placed your mobile number on the info page. Do you know Google keeps a search history (and even location for some) if you’re logged in your gmail account? (Go to settings to disable it).

And that’s natural. In Asia, probably influenced by Americans, we want exposure. It was indeed hard adapting in the first years. (I can actually say “first years” now, now that I’m here for almost six years! Oh man…). I should have known better really, back when I was learning German, I was supposed to say the following sentences:

Teacher: Who’s your girlfriend?
Me: That’s my own business.
Teacher: What are you doing tomorrow?
Me: That’s my own business.
Teacher……..
Me: That’s my own business.

You get the drift. And I’m not joking.

Things are changing a little with the younger generation. People still buy ANDROID phones while shunning the closeness of Apple, even though they know that Google collects their information. I start to see journalists speaking up in articles, saying that this privacy concerns is over-the-top.

Do I think it’s good?

That’s my own business. =)

Fun Fact 1: Many Germans still use ICQ!! (Still remember that?)
Fun Fact 2: I somehow manage to bring ANDROID into this. I’m hopeless.

Idea in brief: Being left behind by technology as you grow older might be inevitable, it’s natural.

When I was growing up, I remember wondering it’s so hard for some people, especially the older generation to grasp the new technology. First came computer, then came internet, finally digital photography and mobile phones came around as well. Most of it was intuitive to me. By applying the principle – “When in doubt, press the buttons around”, most problems were solved.

My dad bought us our first computer when I was 7/8 and that made a great difference in our development, expensive ones =). But he did not learn it then, so he was left behind. He is catching up fast now, using Google, Wikipedia, online Banking and so on.

So I vowed to myself then that I would not let technology left me behind. If I am buying my children some new technology, I will be the one teaching them how to use it, not the other way around. I will invest time into it.

Being smudged about my “inability to be left behind”, a few observations in the past few months put doubts into me. Can I really catch up that fast, and more importantly, do I want to?

1. While watching Toy Story 3 last weekend (A great movie!), both I and my friend complained about the uselessness of 3D and how unwilling we are to pay for it.

2. I have a Facebook since their early days in 2006, but the newest trend of chatting on the wall makes me feel uncomfortable. I also opened a Twitter account in the early days (in 2008), but “shooting” my thoughts to my followers rather than simply putting in my blog makes me even more uncomfortable.

3. My colleagues, who are electrical engineers, are people who are least likely to be left behind. So they use stuff like wireless headsets. But they’re pretty loud, I often have the chance to listen to songs from the 80’s. “Macarena”, “Kiss by the rose” and many unknown tunes.

4. Blog can be read directly, but they can also be subscribed, with services like Google Reader. I recently discover that the younger the blog writer is, the more people subscribe to their blogs (in my circle of friends). I don’t think this has anything to do with popularity. Rather, older readers don’t know/use the subscription services.

Conclusion? As much as I dislike it, my children will probably laugh at me one day for stubbornly sticking to my ANDROID(!) smartphone while they communicate via a chip in their brain. I just got to accept that.

Effective is to do the right things while efficient is do the things right. Effective comes before efficient.

Leadership to do the right things while management is to do the things right. Leadership comes before management.

If you’re closed to me like my sis and my Steph, you would have known that I have been very vocal of my support of the Android platform since purchasing the HTC Desire. That, of course, made me a few enemies in the Apple camp.

If you’re a tech enthusiast, you might have known that there is an ongoing war/debate/flame throwing between the two camps of Android and iPhone about who is the best and who sucks.. you get the idea.
The iPhone fans, being a little more “passionate” in their support, have been given a label of Apple fanboy. I’ve been thinking about this and realize that this is not a unique situation. In fact, there are many other examples of “fanboyism” in our life. Among the few that I have witnessed are

a) Manchester United against the rest
Well, all fans of other clubs would vehemently disagree, but Man Utd has been THE club for the past two decades. So naturally, two camps were formed in the process – the Man Utd fans and the Anti Man Utd fans. Every weekend, fans of both sides would cheer for their team and curse the other teams. They (I/We) would proclaim the merits of the team and why the others just downright suck. In the mid 90’s, the main opponent was Liverpool, then Arsenal slowly camp into limelight. After that, Chelsea came with their millions. So the fight rages on.

b) Microsoft Word and LaTeX
This is quite an obscure one if you’re not in the academic world. Let me explain. LaTeX is a word processing language (not a program) that many claim to be superior to Word. I first came into contact with it while working as an intern in Bosch. In my department, Word documents were not accepted. So I have to learn to use it from scratch. There are many merits of it, but not without its share of flaws. In the academic world/universities, LaTeX is also accepted as the de facto standard of word processing. Perhaps someone has brought it into the industries as well.

So, what’s the war? Surprisingly, users of LaTeX hate Word to its bone. They would proudly declare themselves as LaTeX users and truly believe in their superiority. As someone who loves a good argument, I quickly learnt how to start a good fight during lunch hours, simply by proclaiming that inferiority of LaTeX against Word. But as I said, it’s obscure, you won’t know unless you’ve used it.

c) Android against the iOS/iPhone – more generally, Apple against the rest of the World
Finally, the war that I’m currently fighting (albeit imaginary) is the OS for mobile phones. For the past 3 years, iPhone is acknowledged as THE smartphone in the market. Many flocked towards it and have since then transformed into true fanboys. Of course, they made some enemies in the process with their closed ways of development. Along came Google with their Android platform and the war began. For many of those who dislikes Apple but couldn’t find anyone else to root for, Google’s entry into the market provided them a solid platform to support.

But can this war be won by any party? In this post, I say, very hard indeed, for two reasons.

a) Fans are irrational
It is very common for both sides to convince one another to jump camps. But that could only work if the assumption that fans are logical about their decision, but they are not.

But being rational is one of the deep rooted needs of human. We want to know that we are rational and logical. How often have you heard football arguments that circle around the style of play? “I support them because they play attacking football…” and so on. But if that fan is shown a team with better attacking football, would he switch? No, probably not. He would most probably find other reasons for supporting the team.

Many of us like to believe, we have reasons therefore we support. Truth is, we support, therefore we find reasons.

In my quest of being the Android preacher =P, I like to ask iPhone owners why they like it. When I show them that Android can do that particular thing better and faster, I’m often met with disbelieve, i.e. “no lah, where got?”. This is also common from the online discussions and debates that I read (ok, ok, I have no life). If pushed harder, the irrationality will slowly surfaced with statements like “It’s just better, it looks nicer”. Well, if pushed even harder, I’d probably get punched, so I stopped.

b) Fans are close-minded
We are vain humans, all of us are. We have selective hearings, only allowing in things that we like. My dad is very good at that =)

Same as fans. When we align ourselves towards a product, team or cause, we feel integrity is linked with it. When the thing is criticized, we feel hurt and insulted as well. So, consciously or not, we don’t allow the “foreign object” to come into our minds.

When I was arguing (again) about the merits of Word, I am always surprised by the closed mindedness of hardcore LaTeX users. The last version of Word used by them stretched back to the days of Word 2000 or even 97. So many arguments against Word were towards that era. Never mind the improvements of 2003, 07 or 10, Word sucks, period. Once an opinion is formed, it’s hard to change them. Marketing lesson 101.

Surprise, surprise, the same is valid for iPhone users. Since I like a good fight, and since I have been fighting with my bro since I have any memories, I might as well bring him as an example. =)

When I first showed him my phone a month back. He took it, turn on the display and try to unlock it. Well iPhone slide is horizontal so he tried a horizontal slide. It didn’t work so he asked, I told him it’s a vertical slide. He did it, looked at it, probably flip left and right once. He then gave the phone back to me and said “iPhone is still better”.
I was a little angry, of course, but more mind boggled. How could a judgment made so swiftly? Thinking about it now, it made sense. The mind was closed.
******

Before this turn into a ranting post, the question remains, what about me? Am I not just another fan? Well, I agree. I am. So I can be irrational and close-minded as well. The biggest danger of being a fan is when you don’t acknowledge it.

When you’re in love, you’re a fan of your partner. If you don’t acknowledge that, you might be in trouble. Your mind would try to rationalize your decision, but it won’t work. I like you because you’re humorous/smart/pretty. “So you won’t like another girl if she’s more humorous/smarter/prettier?”, comes the reply.

So if you’re a fan of something, just admit it, and save all the time creating invalid reasons for it. If you really think you’ve made a purchase decision out of logic, then make sure you remain rational and open-minded. We often don’t realize it.

And next time you’re asked, “Why do you love me?”, just answer, “I’m a fan”. Period.

I was listening to a Spanish podcast today,

Woman: Who’s that?
Man: The new guy.
Woman: He’s hot! (buenisimo!)
Man: But you have a boyfriend.
Woman: I have eyes too.

It’s interesting that this is pretty common in the Spanish/Latin America culture, perhaps conforming the stereotype that they are like “expressing their feelings”.

“I’m married, but not blind.” and “I’m going through a diet, but doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.” are two more examples.

On a side note, I heard another quote today about happiness.

“Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.”

Food for thoughts.

I remembered the publication of Lee Kuan Yew’s book ‘from the third world to the first’ that described Singapore’s rise to richness. It caused an argument in my family, which is really not uncommon. But I always remember argument where the other party doesn’t agree with my stand but can’t give a reasonable reason for it. For this, sometimes I’m labelled as ‘always wanting to win’.

Throughout the years, I’ve learnt to tone myself down, learning when to stop when it becomes obvious when the other person/party refuse to listen or accept. But then again, I still want to be right, everytime .

In this case, it was my father and brother. I said a country cannot move from the first world to the third. It has already been defined. They retorted that how can the president of Singapore be wrong, which is really not am argument at all. But as many arguments, sometimes you don’t need to be right to win in my family. You just need to shout the loudest or hold the racket in your hand.

Anyway, I never accepted it. Singapore can be a rich world, but not the first world. And finally, last week in economist, the definition was stated. First world was the capitalist west while the second world was the communist east. The rest was the third world. There you have it! I was right! ( laughing to myself… hahaha…)

Of course the third world was seen as poor and undeveloped and Singapore was no longer so. And since the fall of soviet, the second world was no longer relevant. That’s the why you no longer see the phrase ‘third world’ being used, its now ‘developing nation’ or ‘less developed countries’ and Singapore does not belonged to that category.

Was Mr. Lee wrong then? Of course not. Who would want to buy a book titled ‘how Singapore became rich’?

But the point is – I was right! And the fact that I need a blog post to clarify this after 7-8 years probably also means I need some treatment and counseling.

*woohoo! Celebrating….

You need air conditioning in airport. That much is clear and obvious. You need that everywhere in Malaysia.

But do you know, that even in cold winters, airports still need air conditioning? That’s due to the large amount of people, and everyone of them is equivalent to a 100W heater. To imagine the heat, imagine touching a 100W light bulb. You don’t burn yourself touching a human is due to the large surface area.

Alright, science and fact aside, I’m sitting in a very quiet airport now, as my flight is one of the. only 3 flights tonight.

The atmosphere is surprisingly peaceful. No busy footsteps, no baby cry, no sound is chatter. I could even hear the steady hum of the air conditioning.

And I kinda enjoy this.

Goodbye to Malaysia, see you in hopefully 6 months.