Life & Me

I remembered the publication of Lee Kuan Yew’s book ‘from the third world to the first’ that described Singapore’s rise to richness. It caused an argument in my family, which is really not uncommon. But I always remember argument where the other party doesn’t agree with my stand but can’t give a reasonable reason for it. For this, sometimes I’m labelled as ‘always wanting to win’.

Throughout the years, I’ve learnt to tone myself down, learning when to stop when it becomes obvious when the other person/party refuse to listen or accept. But then again, I still want to be right, everytime .

In this case, it was my father and brother. I said a country cannot move from the first world to the third. It has already been defined. They retorted that how can the president of Singapore be wrong, which is really not am argument at all. But as many arguments, sometimes you don’t need to be right to win in my family. You just need to shout the loudest or hold the racket in your hand.

Anyway, I never accepted it. Singapore can be a rich world, but not the first world. And finally, last week in economist, the definition was stated. First world was the capitalist west while the second world was the communist east. The rest was the third world. There you have it! I was right! ( laughing to myself… hahaha…)

Of course the third world was seen as poor and undeveloped and Singapore was no longer so. And since the fall of soviet, the second world was no longer relevant. That’s the why you no longer see the phrase ‘third world’ being used, its now ‘developing nation’ or ‘less developed countries’ and Singapore does not belonged to that category.

Was Mr. Lee wrong then? Of course not. Who would want to buy a book titled ‘how Singapore became rich’?

But the point is – I was right! And the fact that I need a blog post to clarify this after 7-8 years probably also means I need some treatment and counseling.

*woohoo! Celebrating….

Forgive me for allowing this equation to dwell in my mind for some time.

Let x be the amount of happiness of your spouse being with you, however it is measured.

What is the value of x so that you can be called a successful partner, neglecting all the other factors?

In trying to come out with an answer to this question, I proposed two solution.

1. The simplest of course, in when your spouse proclaimed sincerely that he/she is happy being with you.

2. Secondly, and this was the spark that brought me to this thought – is when his/her friends are envious of him/her.

Can 2 be a sufficient measure? What if 2. is fulfilled but not one?

IF 2 but NOT 1 THEN

your spouse has a high standard, but you’re doing just fine.

OR

your spouse’s friend has a crap partner

ELSE IF 1 but NOT 2 THEN

you’re doing okay. After all, what your spouse thinks matter the most.

OR

he/she’s lying. You’re in trouble

END IF

Update: On second thought, this post might cause misunderstanding on the current state of my relationship. No no no, that’s not true. It’s just those time when I allow myself to think a little and put those thoughts down in this blog.

Sitting at the lounge waiting for my flight back to germany. After 15 laughter filled days, my parents just took another flight back to malaysia. it’s always at the moment of separation that you feel the
sudden moment of lost. The nostalgic thoughts and reflection can create a surge of emotions which transforms into moist eyes. It was no different with me.

After listening to the experience of my friends, I tried to plan the trip which involves as little walking as possible. I worried that they’ll break down after a day or two. So it really came as a surprise, albeit a pleasant one, that they were exceedingly fit. All in all, we averaged more than 10km per day, which is a feat for people of any age.

I left home more than 7 years ago. Many perceptions and images of my family were formed before that. With a little maturity and understanding now, I found myself having new insights one after another in the past two weeks. it’s indeed strange when I actually took care of my parents from food, lodging to even their qualms. Imagine your dad started chanting, “give me food, give me food” in the middle of the street and you’d have pretty good idea of our trip. We laughed our heads off almost daily.

Steph joined us for the paris part of the trip. I’m very glad that she got to see my parents and the interaction between us. I guess she knows where my booming voice and the utter lack of table manners come from. We shared loads of my childhood, with one joke funnier than the last. The combination o memories of my past, experiences of my present and the imagination of my future gave me a strange feeling indeed.

With all the childish attics I displayed and steph witnessed, the description her friend gave me sounds more appropriate than ever – the child trapped in a giant’s body.

Of course, it’s a side well guarded. Looking at my plans for the weeks to come, I’d have turn the switch to the problem-solving mode once thwarted plane touch down.

I guess there’s a side of us that we hide very well, where only the closest to us know. Where image means little, where responsibilities are not burdensome, where compliments are not held back, where faults are not remembered and where love freely flows.

Surely it’s a place I want to be. I’ve experienced it. Now it’s back to continue striving for it.

Just made up a word on my own. Gravitas – pressure/stress, philic – fond of, attracts. Gravitasphilic, someone that attracts/fond of stress.

Sometimes, I wonder whether that describes me well.

I guess I need to take a break. I said that yesterday, and it felt good today, trying consciously to spend some time with my friends. But a meeting with my professors dragged me back straight back to the stress pit. And just when I tried to run away to my sanctuary to put down all the frustration and emotional baggage, I ended up carrying more of it, wondering what I’ve done wrong.

Ironic.

And so I’m gonna hit my bed, wake up 530am in the morning and begin another working day at Bosch, so fun and exciting.

Mom and Dad, don’t worry, your son in tip top condition, just need to find some place to vent out some frustration. A few emotional blog posts will do the job, it usually does.  And dad, thanks for your comment, you always have the right advice for me, I really appreciate your inputs in my life.

When I was 7 —> first one

When I was 11 –> second one

When I’m 23 –> third one

Do you know what’s the common factor of these 3 numbers??… They are all prime numbers!

*sweat… so my next dangerous year would be 29……

Have you ever have a bee in your room, the menacing type, who is simply not smart enough to find a way out, and scare the **** out of you while he zooms across the room?

Let’s call him bobby. Bobby found his way into my room on a sunny day. I opened the window and went jogging, hoping that he’ll be done before I’m back. Apparently he likes my windows so much that he kept hitting without flying over it.

I thought, never mind. My room is pretty comfortable after all. So Bobby accompanied the lonely me during dinner. Well, Bobby likes cheese baked rice. So he decided to scare the **** out of me when he landed on it.

I probably reacted too much that he became panic as well. Probably trying to ask for forgiveness, he zoomed from corner to corner of my room and turning unexpectedly in all direction.

I guessed I looked really dumb, crouching in one side of the room.

Not wanting Bobby to miss his real dinner, I decided to create an escape path for him. I made the exit really obvious, and blocked all the other alternatives, and finally I produced a wind current to direct his path. I guess there is a reason why the world needs engineers.

When Bobby finally found his way out, after much assistance from me. I think he felt pretty good. Well, me too. This is one of the rare moments that I can feel proud of what I’ve done.

As i was cooking just now, with one hand holding the scoop and the other the wok, the glass wok cover started to slip from the side.

So i use the only available body part, my leg, to stop the falling.

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To understand the extent of the pain caused by that action, there are two physical rule that you need to understand.

1. The 3rd newton law – For every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction.

This means, if you kick the wall, the force you apply to it will be felt on you leg as well, which is why you’d feel painful.

2. Pressure law – Pressure is defined as the force divide by the surface.

A sharp knife is sharp because it’s tip is thin (small surface area). The back of the knife is blunt because it’s surface area is much bigger. Apply the same force using both sides of the knife will produce very different results.

********************

So firstly, the wok cover is so so heavy (big force). Secondly, it fell with it’s (very thin) side hitting my fragile ankle.

AAAwaaaaaa……..

Conclusion: I rather hurt myself than inflicting pain on others….. sigh.. how noble….

there goes my wisdom…………

I wanted to blog for sometime now… Jst can’t find the time and motivation to do it, now i’m sitting on the train back to my city, typing with my pda and with a bad mood.. Great..

Maybe it’s better for me to first jot down all the frustration before I go on rambling bout other stuff… I’m involved in the teaching team in my church and also help out in the sound team.. Out of pure passion to do something nice, I made some movies as a promotion for an event… My church is small, so most are not used to the media-filled church like dumc or city harvest..

So of course, the equipment for such stuff are ideal as well.. I tried my best to make things nice.. But the laptop crashed, the comp didn’t have the right codec… And it was really frustrating after i’ve put so much effort into and getting nothing in return.. Maybe I was expecting some recognition from the people.. What I got instead was suggestion on how to operate the computer… Plus the pain attacking from all sides in my mouth… That’s another story…

So, I acted rather hot-tempered… Not that I never experienced such things before.. While serving in cgmc in the soundteam, people were over-helpful as well…

Then this guy came over to me, noticing a really frustrated guy with a swollen cheek, he told me about similar experience in other much bigger churches.. Glitches happen everywhere.. What was different though, was that the leader of the sound team responded really calmly, answering and explaining to all the grumbling helpful people, as if there was no big problem…

I’m really grateful that he taught me a lesson in a gentle way… I always have problems with my temper.. My parents can testify to that very well… Sometimes I try very hard to deal with it, sometimes I blame it on my dad for passing it to me.. Sometime, ironically, I feel angry towards myself For being angry…

It’s the attitude, and not the aptitude that determines one’s altitude… The one thing I need, is the one thing I lack….

So in thinking bout my future, this attitude prob of mine, mostly my hot temper and the inability to act and talk rationally while under the temper spell…Always bother me…

How will any customer want to deal with someone like that?

Maybe i’m jst analyzing things with the wrong attitude again… Sometimes, my friends tell me they won’t be surprised when I succeed in the future… That judgment is probably based on my pretty long list of good results… But think about it, all your role models in your life, which of them became your role model due to their results?.. Certainly not mine

Thank god that negativity is not one of my trait, so rambling so negatively like this helps balancing all my pride..

Sigh… Let’s hope something good will come out of me in the future…

my twisted wisdom……… sigh…. u all know what’s coming right?