Life & Me

While Chinese surnames are generally without meaning (though with long history), many German surnames are linked to occupation – painter, farmer, log tender and so on… once in a while, you come across a funny surname – for example “f***er’. I’m serious, one of them was even a famous physicist and gave us the Fick’s law…

In the English word, its not obvious that but many surnames are still occupations or characteristic, albeit in another language, like Kaufmann, which means business man.

However, hilariously, I just came across a superb surname. So absurd that I think it might be made up. Well, there’s a Chris Moneymaker, who won the world series of poker in 2003.

No joke.

You can give yourself perfectly legitimate reasons to buy something new. So let me skip the explanations.

I just got myself the best phone in the phone.

And unless Steph gets really mad, she shall be my mistress for sometime. Just a few days, please?

I was reading a report that says that most people in Asia are more optimistic about the future than those in the West. The Asians see growth and progress; they know that the life of their children will be better than theirs. Subsequently, you could really say that they are happier.

Every year, there are always reports about the happiest cities in the world. Predictably, those with the best welfare system, infrastructure and highest wages would top the charts. But this finding contradicts the previous one, so which is right?

I believe the difference can be illustrated with one important concept in systems thinking – stock and flow. If you have a million in bank, that’s your stock. If you earn 10,000 while spending 7000, your net flow would be 3000. It seems that a person’s happiness is depended on the flow (dy/dx) and not the stock (y).

In the case of wealth, even if you might be poor, knowing that you’d be richer each year would give you hope. In the other hand, see your wealth declining, no matter how rich you are, would make you terribly unhappy.

In the case of health, a sick person in the process of healing would probably be happier than one healthy person getting sick. The first has a low stock (bad health) but a high/positive flow (getting healthy) while the second has a high stock (good health) but a negative flow (deteriorating health).

If you see things this way, a lot of questions and phenomenon can be explained. It’s pointless to ask a person chasing wealth, “how much is enough?”. It’s the earning (flow) rather than the wealth (stock) that he’s chasing after.

And it’s no longer strange that some rich person commit suicide during financial crisis. Although they’re still very wealthy in anyone’s standard, losing a big chuck of wealth can be hard to accept.

Though I’m using wealth as examples because they’re easy to imagine, this relates to almost anything. A smart person getting 90% can be much unhappier than one poor student getting 80%. So on and so forth.
How can use this to make us “happier”? I think they are two ways of seeing this:

1. The secular way – don’t set “stock” goal, but “flow” goal. For example, it’s better to set a goal of improving your earning 10% per year than a fix goal of 10,000. The moment you reach your “stock” goal, it won’t be long before you get unsatisfied again.
But of course that is one of the reasons most people are never really happy. The never-ending chase of something, maybe it’s better to take

2. The slightly more spiritual way – be content. Chinese wisdom says
it’s the secret for happiness. That would be seeing things the “stock” way, not the “flow” way. Jesus said, “If I set you free, then you are free indeed.” Maybe He had more in mind than just the sins of the world, but also the thinking as well.

What do you think?

A new year, a new beginning?

For me it feels just like a continuation. Continuation to what? Frankly, I don’t quite know now.

Somehow the motivation to set new goals wasn’t there. It feels like a lot more needs to be done before I could set new goals.

That’s life isn’t it? There can surely be divided into big chapters, but mostly it’s a continuation. You can’t really see each year as a new beginning or chapter every year, you can’t just throw away the baggages upon and start anew, as many tempted to do on new year.

If you do need to start anew, however, then don’t wait till a new year. If you need the forgiveness of someone, then don’t wait till new year. If you need to lose the extra weight, then don’t wait till the next feast ends.

For me, I hope this year will be “a better continuation”  of last year.

Esp the sweetness of it.

Yes I do. And I don’t know why. Well, maybe I do. I’m shy of asking. I’m afraid they will take my camera away. Maybe they won’t take good picture anyway.

As a result:

Notice how similar they all are… =/ One person trying to squeeze into the picture, another trying hard to be in the picture….

(Steph, I know you’d really want more pictures. I just can’t hand the camera to another person. However, I have no problem if you do that…. =P)

And of course, what’s the use of a long hand anyway? *doing the really evil laugh

Dear Steph,

This post really should be up since a few weeks back. Well, no excuses, my fault.

My limited words probably won’t do this event justice. Looking back at the past two years, things changed so much. Normal outsiders probably won’t notice a difference, as I’m always perceived as being in control, or like a phrase I learnt in “Heroes” a few weeks back – someone with a “trajectory”. But I know better, and most importantly, you know better.

And with you “accidentally but purposefully” appearing in my life, everything changes. The changes are subtle, but nonetheless significant. Looking back, I barely recognize myself. Surely, signs of ages are appearing, not least my bulging waistlines – which according to my sis, is your fault too.

I knew not much about relationship, though I claimed and thought otherwise. Being with you is a never-ending route of learning. Each day, there’s something to learn, through our, according to your mom, talk-and-talk-and-never-finish talk. Through our fights and arguments, yes we do fight and get angry at one another don’t we? And that’s another lesson I learnt, that fights and arguments are not correlated to the health of the relationship, because the worst time in our relationship in when we choose not to talk about it. Through our laughters, oh yes, it’s my treasured comment from you when you said my jokes make you laugh. Through our struggles to make ourselves understood, whether to each other or to the world. We learn, and learn, and that’s exactly what I like. I’m a nerd, I admit it.

I knew nothing about my vision, besides wanting to be rich and famous. You saw through me. You told me about using my talents in teaching even while I was complaining that I can’t contribute to the Kingdom of God. No, for all I know, I might still fail to use the gifts that have been given to me. But I have a vision now, and you saw the whole process. You knew all the rantings when I was frustrated at how hard teaching and mentoring could be. And because of you, I’m having more resolves in reaching this goal. But not without you. No, not without you.

I knew nothing about table manners, nothing about the different baking techniques, cultures of England and and and….

Like you said, I never could imagine finding someone that actually “matched”. Maybe the broken relationships in this world had convinced me that I just should settled for second best, that compromises and tolerances are essential. And at first look, who would have guessed that we could actually “matched”? A giant and a dwarf, eh?

My heart says otherwise now.

You know, I could well say all this to you face to face. But I know you like words, that written words have a certain magic over you. I claim not to have known you completely, as that would have made me arrogant and our future boring. But I do claim to be the person who wants to know you the most and the deepest. I do claim to be the person who wants to make your dreams come thorough.

Thanks, and Happy ONE”st” Anniversary and Happy Birthday.

Yes, I haven’t been updating this blog for some time now. And yes, I should have. No, it’s not that I think loads of people are craving to know what I’m doing with my life. No, it’s not there’s nothing to talk about. Yes, there are interesting thing to talk about.

So, the question that I would like to answer – imagining that some of you would want to ask is this – how’s life at the new university?

To cut it short, I think I like it. It’s nothing out of my expectation – it’s bigger and the number of students are higher. Prof comes in and out of the class room without interacting much with the students – I found myself being the minority that asks questions during the lecture. In my previous school, the Q&A sessions can take up half of the class.

As it’s reputed to be, the lessons are more theoritical than practical. Often times, being mathematically correct is more important than whether the proposed solution is even feasible in the real world. I guess that explains the difference in the Q&A. The Prof comes in to present a certain theory – and the students simply receive it. In my previous school, the Prof comes in to show how things are done in the real world, and questions about the details simply flow.

It’s far from an ideal educational platform, but that’s exactly what I come here for. I was not satisfied with the amount I learnt previously, with too many time-consuming application involved. Now I’m at the point of being saturated with theories and information. It’s a perfect compliment, or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself to convince me that the decision to come here was correct.

After a few sort-of-confused-of-my-direction weeks, things are slowly back on track. I found back the joy of learning, or understanding new things. It can be a bliss, really. As I said before, “The more I know, the more I know I don’t know”. In a certain sense, it can be depressing to know that, no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to understand even a minute percentage of the knowledge available in the world. But in another sense, I know I will never get bored.

So with this mentality, I’m slowly adapting myself to the life here.

I know I’m a little too late with this post. Not that I have nothing to say about, I have loads to say. But well, I had loads to do as well.

And it feels good to finally blog again.

I’ve been to Miri twice before this. How should I describe Miri? It has the peace of Ipoh, Seafood from Sitiawan, beaches of Pangkor, Starbucks and Coffee Bean of KL plus the national park of Pahang. Oh well, I just have a fond impression of it.

This time though, I went with my parents to visit Stephanie’s family. And the extended one =). They say that if you bring your parents to visit your gf’s family, things must be progressing quite far. Well, I don’t deny that =) More than that though, it was also a getting-to-know-you trip.

My past experience taught me that relationship, however romantic one puts it, is not just a thing between two person. A relationship that involves only two is a sad one. Much more colorful is a relationship which involves people around them. Friends that see the progress, friends you could go to when you hit a road block on the way. Much more importantly, it also involves the families. A family reflects much about the characters and values of a person. Well, it was my mom who taught me that. When you’re with someone, it’s not just her you marry, but also the family.

So surely I was nervous. Though I’ve spoken to Steph’s parents, heard tons of stories about them. The aunties, the uncles, the cousins and so on….. Nothing can be compared to the real face to face meeting.

The first words from her mom was…… “You’re not a giant as I thought you might be……”. =) I guess they were expecting a Yao Ming. But it did break the ice and we got on very well.

I must say I was pampered all the way. Before I could finish the sentence “I like fruits!…”, there were more than 13 fruits on the table!! Well, that was her aunty, who was renowned as the fruit queen, something which I really should have known before that. I was “shipped” from one restaurant to another, from one delicacy to another.

All in all, besides the 3kg that I gained in that week alone, I brought along a very peaceful heart with me back home. Why the word “peaceful”? Well, happy or delighted or grateful, those words would be a little too obvious, won’t it?

But I felt the peace. Knowing deep inside me that the decisions that I made, with all the consequences, were correct. Nothing can be said about years from now besides the Big Boss up there. But for now, I feel peaceful.

And happy, and delighted and grateful as well, of course.

And a big thank you to everyone who has made the trip so enjoyable for me and my parents. I’ll be back very soon, I hope.

I finally have some time to blog. It’s been one week in Ipoh/Malaysia. Immersing myself in a different environment has always been thought-provoking. However, I do possess the ability to articulate these thoughts clearly, yet.

Seeing the lives of my peers made me wonder about the feasibility of the path that I’ve chosen.

Seeing the lives of my parents made me wonder about the length of my stay overseas.

When I walked around, be it for jogging (for my oversize tummy), eating or shopping, I observe the lives of the people around me. I wonder what they do for their living, what they think in their free time, where they go for entertainment.

As I’ve mentioned, I wish I can process my thoughts in an elegant way. This flood of thoughts has been accompanying me throughout my last week.

And I kinda enjoy it. A luxury that I can afford at the moment.

Throughout last week, another important event happened parallelly – my university’s application. I want to tell you how I made the decision, so a little background information is needed.

In this past year, my life went through some transformation. I’m clear about my vision in life now. I’ve met, known and started a relationship with Steph. I started becoming a mentor, leading first a few, and since a month ago, I became the house church leader of a group of Malaysians.

I have to say all those were good transformations. Something I hope will last. But knowing God, He dislikes his children staying stagnant with their growths. I wonder what He’d put me through in my life. =)

1. How can I continue on this vision (that I believe God gave me), to teach?
2. How can I continue building up my relationship with Stephanie?
3. How can I continue supporting, teaching and leading the people around me?

All these things were the factors that I considered during my decision-making. I need to say this because, don’t beat me for this, university’s prestige or reputation are the least of my concerns.

Steph taught me one important thing last week, that we should tell others how we make decision WHILE making them, not after. Because it will be more powerful and convincing as a testimony. I didn’t manage to apply this on the blog, at least I did in the cell group, =P.

In the end, it was between these two universities – Karlsruhe and Kaiserslautern. Both are reachable with Karlsruhe being nearer to where I am now. I didn’t apply for anything further than that – even though some are them are top-universities as well.

Karlsruhe is one of the top as well, this means – a longer course (2 years), harder entrance qualification, more time consuming and very expensive housing around the area.

Kaiserslautern – a bit further but manageable distance, shorter and easier course (1.5 years), guaranteed entrance, cheap and nice housing.

Both were of the same distance to Steph’s city. Both would give me qualification to do my PhD one day.

In the end, me and steph decided the decision should be made according to the need of the people around us. Kaiserslauten had the upper hand because I’d have more spare time. I even started looking for houses and made some plans for it.

Over the last weekend, we prayed together. I even did something that I’ve not done for some time now, I fasted.

Sometimes, God can be really fast. On Monday night, I got the Karlsruhe acceptance letter. My first reaction was – “why give me this now that I’m slowly settling for the other?”. I went online to check again, and was again shocked that the university has decided to change the course’s difficulty, intensity and length. My arguments against the university were ALL thrown out of the window.

Sometimes, I just have to be awed by His Majesty. Now I that I’m going to University Karlsruhe, the point that I want to make is this – it’s not because of the reputation, it’s because of my vision.

All of us need to find our vision. Without it, we’d be easily influenced by the world. Our decisions would be skewed by the money we can potentially earn, the reputation we might gain, the business network we might build up and and and. We simply need to know what we’re doing on this earth.

Saying all that, I’d be big bad liar to say I’m not influenced by those things. I just had some disagreements with Steph over money. A part of me is happy that I’m going to the better university. Defiantly and adamantly though, I maintain that we need to fight against that urge.

So what’s affecting your decision today?