Life & Me

Chinese New Year – the happy part

Not everything was sad, of course. I was, after all, with Steph, who has become a huge source of happiness in my life.

Both of us were affected by the not-at-home-during-New-Year mood, and decided last minute that we need to do something about it. So we went out to splurge on some nice food, it’s New Year Eve after all.

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Being deprived of fresh fish for some time now, I couldn’t differentiate between a fresh and a not-so-fresh fish. Well, when could I ever do that =P? But we have to settle for whatever we could find. It was yummy, but reunion dinner is not about the nice food, it’s about people.

This year, the Chinese New Year fell on the same day as the Valentine’s Day. And we’ve even came up a theme for this year, it’s called Celebrating the Difference. So what’s the biggest difference between me and Steph? Cheekily I went to make us a couple T-shirt, another firsts for us.

The text reads “This is my (lots of nice adjective) girlfriend” and “This is my (lots of nice adjective) boyfriend” respectively. The nicest, or most provoking =P parts are the two arrows – celebrating our.. ahem… vertical difference.

Well, after all, if not because of the difference, I would not be able to carry her up the vineyard hill, isn’t it?

this is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill spacethis is just to fill space

Happy Valentines Day and Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!

Chinese New Year – the sad part

As I woke up on the eve of Chinese New Year, I settled down with a warm cup of coffee before my study table. It is minus 5Celcius outside. As the snow fell gracefully and slowly upon the ground, so did homesickness. It’s that time of the year again, when I know I’m missing out yet another gathering back home. Fortunately, I have the support of my family, who doesn’t give me the guilt nor pressure to be home.

As I tried to use the hot liquid to warm my relatively cold heart, the snow started to have a calming effect on me. It’s telling me that this is just a phase, a training, a period with a start and an end. It’s telling me that life is also about going to emotional valley, also about understanding suffering and also about feeling lonely and sad.

This year in Germany, we had one of the longest winter I remember. One thing good about snow is that it reflects very well, making the gloomy day a little brighter. I took out my camera and just made a few shots outside my window, each 30 mins apart as the day brightens.

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Happy Chinese New Year!

Eating tips

Do you have any tips from your (grand)parents about how and what to eat?

I remember the advices given to me:

Eat “fully” during the breakfast – 早餐要吃的好

Eat well during the lunch – 午餐要吃的饱

Eat little during the dinner – 晚餐要吃的少

Interestingly, the Germans have a similar idiom. Eat like a king for breakfast, eat like a businessman for lunch and eat like a begger for your dinner.

As I was coming to school today, holding a piece of bread and a tumbler of coffee, I reflected upon this and realize it’s very different for me nowadays.

Except during Saturdays and sometimes Sundays, where I have the time to relax and enjoy a luxurious breakfast, breakfasts are usually a brief event in other days. I try to at least eat it “well”.  So no oily stuff or that sort, just milk, cereal or bread. Come to think about it, that’s because I can’t get it =( Who would reject Wantan mee, Wartan Hor, Nasi Lemak, Dim Sum etc. at any time of the day?

For lunch, I try to eat “little” so that I can concentrate for the rest of the day. A heavy lunch is a recipe for a good afternoon nap, or head banging on the table if you can’t afford a nap. I usually end up doing the second one. Just the other day, my scripts fell all over the floor in unison with my head. Well, embarrassing.

Dinner is usually the best meal of the day. A time where I can finally relax, sometimes with Steph, sometime alone, but always with a good and “full” meal. Somehow, the cooking and preparing process helps me to relax after a whole day of brain work. I can imagine myself doing the cooking in my family in the future. I just hope that my kids (if any) won’t dread the days I’m cooking (Dad’s cooking today!!?? Darn….)

Well, what about you then? How do you eat?

Finding the ideal Pad (and why I don’t support Apple)

I wanted to blog about this last week. But since the whole world has been talking about it, and hasn’t stopped now, I figure it’s not too late to join in the discussion.

It’s about the iPad (*groan, not again?!!). It’s true that everywhere I look, articles upon articles have been written about it. Personally, I waited upon it with anticipation mainly because I was looking for a tablet or netbook as well. I knew I probably won’t buy it, but I was worried that it’d be such a good product that competitors would be forced to lower their prices or even come out with new products. In that case, I’d not want to be caught having an old expensive product.

As it turned out, it was a nice product, but far from great. As it turns out, millions have expressed the same sentiment, while millions others are convinced of the opposite. One thing I’ve learnt through observation is that – you don’t have to convince the whole market. The iPad won’t be a flop as long as a few percent of the market are convinced of its greatness, or “magical and revolutionary”, as Steve Jobs put it. Me though, has been a big skeptic of the company. Let me explain why.

In the past 10 years, Apple has managed to transform themselves into a cult movement, and you might indeed be one of them. What is the defining character of a cult? Fanaticism. That’s a strong word I know, maybe passion would be a more suitable word. It’s true that Apple has come out with many amazing products throughout the years. I remember arguing (I like good arguments) with my brother (who is a member of the cult) many years ago about the merits of a Mac and come out slightly convinced by it.

However, as the company grows bigger, so has its grasp on the mind. Nowadays it’s hard to have a sensible argument with an Apple fan. Any merits would be elevated to the stratosphere while any obvious disadvantages would be brushed aside or deemed irrelevant.

And that is a cult. Because in reality, although many don’t realize it, Apple users are actually giving up many computing technology for the few that Apple does better. They are being conditioned, just like a cult religion do to you (giving up the social norm for the out-of-body experience, for example). No SD-Card, who needs one? No USB? I don’t use it anyway. Can’t change the battery? Apple will take care of it. No network facility? Who wants to join a network?! No flash? What’s Flash? And so on and so forth. I’m not making this up, because that’s exactly what I read from articles from Apple fans in the past two weeks.

Apple has of course, done nothing to discourage this. Almost every single aspect of the products is controlled. You use what the company asks you to use, nothing more. To be sure, what they offer is really attractive, but I feel really uncomfortable about this arrangement.

The winner writes history, right? So if Apple managed to take over the world one day, we’d celebrate the coming of a new era, right? The effects are slowly showing, because Apple uses different interface from everyone else, Apple customers will find it hard to switch back one they’re used to it (Think: coffee addiction). You have a Mac, then an iPod, then an iPhone, soon an iPad?

For this reason, I prefer “the rest of the world, where you can configure anything you like. Surely it’d cause some accidents once in a while (the notoriety of Windows), just like the difference between driving on a free way or a go-kart track. I prefer freedom to safety, I guess.

So in my search for the ideal Pad, I settled for the ideaPad from Lenovo. It’s a netbook, “better in nothing”, according to Steve Jobs. True, but it’s cheaper, lighter and last longer, the major reason why anyone would purchase one. Moreover, it has a webcam, a keyboard, tons of data space, 3G UMTS (what’s the fuss about 3G in iPhone or iPad? Everyone else has it since ages ago.) and most of all, it’s so cheap that no Apple fans would like to hear about it, just say that it’s about half the price of the cheapest iPad.

To balance the bias of this post a little, I have to say, the iPhone, iPods and iPad have a really really attractive interface with the multi-touch screen. That’s one thing I really wish to have. So maybe when iPad does come out to Europe soon, I might eat my words……… and join the cult.

We’ll see.

the busy man (yet again)

I remember when I was about 16 or 17, I told my dad that I don’t really want to be successful in the future.

If you’re thinking “Yaaa, right..” right now, yes, it was right. I was imagining a life without much worries. With suitable income that I’d not fret about my next meal and enough for a trip or two, I’d be satisfied by it.

A few years down the road, it had not changed much. I knew even better the perils of success, as in success in career. The much hype talk about work-life balance simply shows one fact – that it’s elusive. Just like the almighty pill that will cut 5 pounds off your tummy. I want a good life, and I want to have enough time for my future family.

Yet another few years down the road (yes, I’m getting Oldddd…), it still hasn’t changed. I still want a good life, limited stress, freedom and so on… But fact is, I am still busy. Very busy. My daily schedule consists of me running from one place to another, often with neck-breaking walking speed. When i’m finally back home after a 12 hour-day, I knew I had to put in at least another hour or two for my studies.

It’s not just the time, but also the intensity of it. A 12-hour day spent with just one task of entering data into a database, I can imagine it as boring but not tiring nor stressful. But my brain is always required to switch between one task or another.

And to think that I’m not even half way into my real career makes it worse. After each semester, I usually tell myself not to get myself into such situation again the next semester. Semester after semester, I chose the same path. Another job won’t kill, another subject will only enhance my knowledge. Another task accepted at church will strengthen my commitment.

And I wonder, isn’t this exactly what career building is about. I went for two interviews recently. The comments that I received, at both instances were “how could you do so much so well?”. I really should be swelling with pride. Surely I wasn’t unhappy, but it made reflect whether this is really what I want for my life.

When my friends have to wait for an appointment from me, something is wrong. When I’m so tired that I actually feel like putting down the phone while talking to Steph, something is wrong. When the thoughts of hunting down the next success fill my brain, something is wrong.

So what’s my solution then? Well, I won’t do it again next semester.

sticks or carrots?

One of the biggest dilemma for people in authority is to choose between sticks (punishment) and carrots (rewards) for the subordinate. Should a boss punish their employees for bad performance to warn them or to give them encouragement as motivation? Should a parent be stern and strict or lenient and forgiving?

It’s hard to choose between the two because examples of success for both cases are everywhere. Ask every boss and parent and surely they’d have their own philosophy of managment/parenting. But our brains are notorious for making conclusion on small samples and stick to them for the rest of our life. If eating orange has coincidentally cured our headache once, we’d incline to do the same when we have headache the next time. If praising your child has resulted them doing less well in exam the next time, you’d bring out the sticks in no time. No conclusion can yet be made.

What about the difference between the West and the East. In common perception, carrots are more popular in the West and sticks more popular in the east. Well, Asian will point to Proverb and declare “spare the rod and spoil your child!” while an American will flip to Colossians “Father, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.”

So what about research? It has actually shown out of large sample, people tend to respond better to carrot, over a LONG period of time. Why is LONG important, because of noise. What is noise? In signals processing, it’s anything that confuses the user. Imagine driving on a bumpy road on a hill heading up, there are a lot of places where you’d feel a sudden jerk down on a surge up. To make conclusion about the gradient of the hill based on this would be not-so-smart. Our brain and eyes naturally filter out this noises and conclude that, overall, we’re heading up.

In statistics, it’s called “regression to the mean”. It means over a long period of time, our performance will swing but will average out to a mean/our real performance. Imagine a sprinter who has just ran the race of his life. You as a coach, should you give the stick or carrot? Our natural inclination, out of delight, might be to praise. How would he run the next time? Because he has ran THE race of his life, just by statistics, he’d run slower, to his average performance. To be sure, he might improve over a period of time. The danger is, you as a coach make the conclusion that you should never offer carrots to your sprinters, because it makes their performance worse.

The same for parenting, if your child has performed particularly bad in an exam, carrots or sticks? As Asian parents, most probably sticks, isn’t it? Following the same argument, because he has performed PARTICULARLY bad, he’d tend to perform better next time. He might performed worse in the long term. But because you made the conclusion that sticks work based on that one sample, you continue scolding and whacking your child.

But is there a best way, like a fusion of both? It’s actually the job of the social psychologist to find out. Recently they performed a smart experiment in a factory in China. One group was offered a monetary reward (MONEY!) if they achieved a quota (a carrot). Another group was given the reward, but was told that if they don’t achieve the same quota, they will lose the reward (still a carrot, but dressed as a stick). In the end, the second group performed better.

Lesson? Due to ownership complex, a carrot dressed as stick might work much better. It has the best of both world – the encouragement of a carrot and the fear of a stick. An example in parenting, you want to encourage your children to work hard in studies. So you promised them a trip to Disneyland. They might be motivated. If the experiments were right, it’s better to tell them about the Disneyland trip you want to give them, but if they do badly in exam, you’d cancel the trip. I have no idea about the long term effect on the children’s mind, but they’d work harder.

Lesson 2? All social psychologist are cunning, be careful of them. =D

about science and supplements

Warning! Possibly boring content. Summary: Supplements are not bad, not at all. But they are not necessarily good. My stand is as long as you don’t let it interfere with your normal medical treatment and you have some spare cash in the bank, then take as many of supplement as you can.

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I guess the title says it all. Recently, my father has been telling me about a new company that sells supplements. And as my dad is a natural salesman, he always tell me about the product that he intends to sell with enthusiasm. I’ve learned a lot in this process actually, and the enthusiasm in me when trying to describe things definitely comes from him.

As I grow up though, I learn to discern things as well. With it comes our discussions, with topics ranging from stock market, to gold, to well, supplements. Those discussions can sometimes be pretty intense, but well, that’s just part of the fun, isn’t it?

Anticipating that I would have to talk about this for some months to come with my dad, I better lay down some of my fundamental arguments.

Supplements are not bad at all, and I doubt any company would actually produce bad, body-harming supplements. But supplements are not necessary good as well. Some are useful, while some are not more useful than just a sugar pill, placebo, that is. As the name suggests, it is supposed to supplement our daily diet. Maybe I will take one step further, that it is also supposed to supplement the methods of the modern medicine.

The problem comes when people try to take it to the next level, instead of a complementary thing, it becomes a cure-all pills. Instead of being the side kick (to modern medicine), it wants to take the throne and medicine suddenly becomes the evil conspiracy of the government to kill you life or the money-minded pharma companies to suck money from you. And so on and so forth.

Why can’t it be considered to be mainstream. When Panadol can be, why can’t anti-oxidant pills be? Well, I’m x levels below a qualified person to talk about this. But I’ll try anyway.

1. Pseudo-science
Pseudo means ’seems to be but not’. It means the supplement industry tries to portray it to be a well researched area, with vigorous testing and experiments (as in the medical field). But is it? As far as I know, it’s far far far from there. Almost none of the pills in the market are subjected to vigorous testing. And any research touted by the promoters is usually lacking in professionalism. Compare this to the pharma world, any drug to be marketed is usually subjected to many thorough testing. Terms like statistical significant analysis, control group, placebo, false positive/negative, regression analysis are common, but not so common/ almost unheard of in the supplement world.

To be sure, why should they? After all, it’s also almost unheard of that supplements kill, unlike some of the drugs that are marketed. However, since it does not go through the same process, it should not be held at such a high position as well. It is NOT science, or at least not yet.

But this is not portrayed so in the nutritionist world. For every vitamins or supplements, there is a profound theory behind it, including graphical illustration how the enzymes work and how the toxin of your body is being extracted out of your body. I would really like to see a complete fact-check done and see how many of these statements actually bear any elements of truth.

Any common method is trying to slip in some unproven statements to some oh-so-logical statements. Experienced speakers use that all the name, and its psychological effect is well documented. Consider the following statement

To live healthily
a) Sleep adequately
b) Eat healthily
c) Exercise moderately
d) Take supplements

Now, do you agree? Although many people would struggle to follow it, I think few would dispute with the first three statements. It’s common sense, isn’t it? My mom has been telling me that since I could understand any words. And thanks, Mom. I do try my very best to follow them.

But what about the fourth statements? Because the first three statements are so logical, we tend to take in the rest as truth as well.

2. Monetary motivation
Pharma companies are evil. They just want your money. They twist the results to fool the health regulator. All they talk about the whole day is just stockholder value, profits and new blockbuster drug every year.

I don’t necessary disagree to the above statement. With a little thought though, isn’t it the same for every big company? Isn’t it the same for you? Don’t you try to earn as much as you can?

For that matter, isn’t it the same for supplement companies? Don’t they also try their best to convince you to buy their products? What about the pyramid marketing schemes?

This point doesn’t need to be elaborated, everyone knows about it. Lesson: Everyone is greedy, not just the pharma company. We need Jesus to deliver us from our sins.

I’ve typed quite a lot now, let’s see how my dad responds, it’ll be fun. =) As my dad says, I’m still young and healthy, I don’t need these. But the moment I feel old and unhealthy, I’d be scrambling to gulp in as many supplements as I can.

That’s probably true.

a new year

A new year, a new beginning?

For me it feels just like a continuation. Continuation to what? Frankly, I don’t quite know now.

Somehow the motivation to set new goals wasn’t there. It feels like a lot more needs to be done before I could set new goals.

That’s life isn’t it? There can surely be divided into big chapters, but mostly it’s a continuation. You can’t really see each year as a new beginning or chapter every year, you can’t just throw away the baggages upon and start anew, as many tempted to do on new year.

If you do need to start anew, however, then don’t wait till a new year. If you need the forgiveness of someone, then don’t wait till new year. If you need to lose the extra weight, then don’t wait till the next feast ends.

For me, I hope this year will be “a better continuation”  of last year.

Esp the sweetness of it.

Christmas thoughts

Feeling guilty about not giving to my studies for the past few days (or few weeks), I made myself a strong coffee and started burying myself in some of the mathematical equations. Barely 30 mins into it, I felt lazy again. It’s Christmas! And I’m 25 going 26. And I’m still a student.

This is quite a long due post. It’s a must after your birthday isn’t it? I celebrated my 25th 10 days ago. For those who know me, you’d know that these symbolize the struggle/phase that I’m going through for the past few months, or maybe, in the lesser extent, the past few years.

Due to the uniqueness of the path that I had taken, I spent 3 years preparing for my tertiary education, for both the A-Levels and German language course. Add in another 4 and half years for my first degree and you know it’s a long time. Two months ago, I started my Master course which will take me another two years.

Well, in Germany, that’s far from being abnormal. I wouldn’t be boasting to claim that the educational level is far superior to other countries in similar stages. Notice that I’m only claiming about the level, not the quality, which means that syllabus is deeper, but not necessary, the teaching style. Students who went overseas to UK and US routinely come back with experience that it was far too easy to obtain good grades.

Not to mention the industrial experience. I’ve been working part time for the past 3.5 years. I was pleasantly surprised by myself recently when I started on my new part-time job. I completed the programming task within 30 hours, and i was originally expected to do so in 120 hours. I attribute it to experience, rather than some super skills, which doesn’t really exist when it comes to programming.

Yet, despite all the evidence that I’m sort of on the right track, I can’t help but to form lots of alternative scenarios, one which I’d be in my 3rd year of full time working. The working world doesn’t daunt me at all, it’s a place where I’d thrive. It’s a place where I can outperform all expectation. It’s a place where innovation can be done. Surely it’s also a place with expectation, responsibilities, appointments, back-stabbing, pressure…. and and and. But what’s the point of avoiding them when you know it’s not gonna disappear, ever?

Sometimes, when I sit in the classes, it doesn’t feel right. I really should be in some company, striving like every one of my peers is doing. Surely I’m having a good life, as many have told me. A free schedule, without all the chains of a job. Honestly though, I can’t help but to have the feeling that I’m wasting my life sometimes.

When I plunge myself into the working environment though, there’s a distinct possibility that I would no longer have my own destiny in my own hands. I would have to go along with the flow. I cannot choose to just put down my work when I feel like it. The next assignment, the next promotion – it’d be a titanic struggle to put them down. Come to think about it, and to a larger extent, it’s the same when it comes to becoming a husband or a father, isn’t it? You no longer live for your own.

In that aspect, I would like to be different.I am a dreamer, an idealist. I believe the possibility of a fulfilled life, a life where God-given talents and gifts would be used appropriately. So I want to be a teacher, someone who can spread the knowledge to others. It can take the form of a book, a seminar, a lecture, 1-to-1 talks or anything else. I want to work freely, not necessarily short, but free. Middle of the night, or early dawn, it’s okay.

That’s the motivation for my path. I try to complete my education of technology with education of people, to learn how people are learning. As I’ve said once, the more I know, the more I know I don’t know. But that’s not gonna stop me from trying to know everything, moderately. A little of politics, a little of finance, a little of cooking and baking, and even a little of flirting. =P

And when the time is right, and when my mind is prepared. Maybe, just maybe, I can come up with a way to contribute, to produce, to work, to impress without the burden and the chains of a job. Is that even remotely possible. I don’t know, but I believe.

So what’s the verdict? I really don’t know. For all I know, I might end up doing what everyone else has been striving for. A stable job, a good family, a roof on your head and an annual family trip. It doesn’t sound bad at all, don’t get me wrong. But deny as I try, I can’t deny the ambition of the dreamer in me. I just want, and need, and will try to achieve my dreams, whatever they are.